Statistics

I don't like being "one of those people" - it feels too general and just has a negative connotation for me. I actually cried during Statistics class in high school. But yet, it seems like lately I am destined to be another statistic over and over again. Here are a couple of my dilemmas (that word is probably stretching it a bit though.)

So if you are wondering where I have been over the past few months, the truth is, on the sofa. . .and in the bathroom floor. For those of you who haven't heard, I am pregnant. And I have been miserably sick. While I'd like to say that I haven't posted only because I have been so sick, the truth is that I wasn't exactly sure what to say. Suddenly being pregnant, after the journey we went on, was shocking and I wasn't exactly sure what to say about it. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be a whiner about such a precious gift, but I truly had come to terms with not having another baby and when I suddenly was having another one, I wasn't sure how to process that. It has taken me some time. When I was going through infertility people would tell me all the time "Oh, just stop trying so hard and you'll get pregnant. I know someone who went through all of this and when they finally gave up they were pregnant in a few months." Well, I really just wanted to punch those people in the face. Hearing that was painful to me. But now, I AM ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE. People are now telling that story, and it's about me. And it sort of ticks me off.

But before I go on and on complaining, I feel like I need to balance out the story by telling you what praise has been pouring out of my heart at what God has done for us. I sort of think that he was waiting for me to come around to trusting Him and having peace about His plans instead of mine, and that was the lesson I needed to learn. We are truly thrilled at the prospect of this baby. I feel like my life is sort of following the seasons right now. In Fall, I was pretty shriveled up. In winter, I truly felt dead - I was sick, sick, sick. Now Spring is starting to arrive, and I finally feel better. I have energy again, I feel like I am coming back to life. It has been a journey of faith and waiting. God says that He wants to give us Good Gifts, He wants to delight us and exceed our expectations, and He certainly has done that for us.

Our journey of faith and waiting isn't over though. Jamie found out recently that he is being laid off. Ah, another statistic to log on the chalkboard. Part of me wants to cry out about the injustice of this timing, but then I wouldn't have really learned anything, right? And it's not like we can't live without Jamie's job, we just have to make some different choices. We believe that this is going to be a two part present for us. We have faith that God is going to show up for us in this situation too. Jamie feels free to do whatever comes at him - because the architecture market certainly isn't booming. So our lives could go in any direction whatsoever. And we are really open to whatever comes along. We were still unpacking our bags from our last faith journey, so we can just shut them right back up and step out into the path.

In my job, I deal with statistics all day long. I often say that my statistics teacher can truly have the last laugh (I arrogantly proclaimed in class that I would be getting an English degree and would NOT be using this information in the real world.) What I have learned though, is that statistics isn't as challenging for me now as it was in high school. I am a little further along, my thinking capacity has changed, I can process information in ways that I couldn't before. Now I am starting to realize that life works exactly the same way. Being a statistic doesn't have to always be a bad thing - especially when it is the hand of the Lord who is manipulating the numbers.