Expectancy

So it's probably poor parenting on our part, but Jamie and I have convinced Natalie that White Castle only sells fried fish-heads. It started as a joke because she was always asking to go there and we aren't really fans, but then we never told her the truth and so it goes. Anyone who has a 4 year old can probably understand the whining factor that goes along with them - so the fried fish-head lie was really just a way to deter the on-going whining about something that she didn't even know what it was anyway. She just thought she wanted to go there because of the castle. We also had her convinced that the ice cream truck was really a music truck until we were at the park and all of the other children started screaming ice cream truck and she found us out. Please don't ruin the castle thing for us, we get lots of laughs out of it.

If you're wondering where I'm going with all of this - I've been thinking a lot about whining. I have LOTS of time to think these days. And I've been doing my own fair share of whining about my current situation. Anyone who knows me knows that I pretty much say what I think, and this even goes in my relationship with God. I feel like if He made me, and already knows what I am feeling anyway that there's no need for me to try to sugarcoat it with Him. So I've been telling Him how ticked I am that this baby is supposed to be my special gift - my evidence of Him showing up for me when I trusted Him, but that He's sort of ruining it for me by putting me in this position. What I hear Him telling me in response to this is that I'm no different than Natalie whining over wanting to go to White Castle because I only see one tiny piece of the whole picture. She doesn't know what's inside of White Castle - she probably thinks it's filled with princesses and dress up clothes and tea parties. It's an ideal that she's come up with in her mind based on her expectation of what is inside of a castle. Not so different of my expectation of what comes with a "normal" pregnancy, right?

It's also sort of like whining over someone giving you a gift in a brown paper bag - I haven't even opened the present yet and I'm already disappointed and complaining about it without even knowing what is inside. God is reminding me that He has been so faithful to me and that I really should wait to open my package before I start whining about the paper it's wrapped in. So I'm trying to shape up my attitude. I'm trying to hold this little baby inside like a child holding a box on Christmas morning - you know that one box from under the tree that is just the right size and shape to hold that gift that you so desperately want, the one that will exceed all of your expectations. God wants to delight me in just the same way we all love to see the delight on someone's face when they open that most desired present. This baby will be a special gift, a miracle in fact, no matter what steps I have to go through to get him here. And I do believe, with great expectancy in my heart, that all will be well.

For those of you who slogged through that hoping for more of a report on my actual health status, thanks for bearing with me. My platelet count had dropped again this morning, which is another sign the pre-eclampsia is progressing. They will test it again tonight and in the morning. If it continues to drop, the baby will be delivered via C-section very soon. So please keep your prayers coming. We are just at 34 weeks and 4 days - so very close to 35 weeks. I'll keep you posted as I can. Thanks for processing all of this along with me - it's nice to have people to walk alongside of me and hold me up on this journey.